 By: Caitlin Kennedy-Sheerin There are some songs that you come across in your life that you know will have a forever impact on you. The raw truth of the lyrics flushes over you with every single listen, and you can just feel exactly what the artist is feeling. ‘Mascara Tears’ by Asha Banks is one of those life-altering songs. With just one listen, Banks invites you into her world of introspective brooding, and absolutely visceral sentiments. Following her debut EP Untie My Tongue, multiple headline shows, festival appearances, and another recent single, Asha Banks is undoubtedly the gift that just keeps on giving. Her steady growth within the industry is unquestionably due to her talent and dedication to her craft. Each song she releases tells a story or strikes a chord, leaving not one person untouched by her work. ‘Mascara Tears’ is one that has touched many of her fans long before it was even released. There’s no Asha Banks live shows without her singing a few unreleased songs, and ‘Mascara Tears’ was a steady constant. Rooted in what seems to be Banks’ personal experiences, she adopts a deeply introspective tone throughout the entire song, reflecting on her conflicting feelings and emotions. Banks’ relationship is dwindling and she wants to end it, but the idea of doing so fills her with guilt. She questions if she’s allowed to hurt when she knows that she is hurting her partner, and the guilt throughout the song is such a poignant theme that I’m sure many listeners can relate to. This isn’t a song that demands a break up, or celebrates her freedom now that she’s ending her relationship. She isn’t winning in this break up – nobody is. The instrumentation of this song is perhaps one of the most outwardly striking features of it. The song opens slow and steady, and almost regretful. Banks immediately sets the tone of the song within the first five seconds. We as listeners know that this isn’t a happy song instantly – it is one of deep wandering and reflection, exploring her own feelings and her hurt. The piano gives it a stripped back feel and is certainly one of the most notable parts. There is a deep vulnerability to the song that seeps through both the instrumentals and the lyrics themselves. Banks shifts between different vocals – falsetto, belting, hitting the perfect notes to show her desperation and her want to be able to express her feelings despite being so very conflicted about them. Her voice is doubled on occasion and it only adds to her desperation of wanting to be able to “hurt too”, and the fact that she “can’t let it show”. Not only is her lyricism apt in expressing exactly what she’s feeling, but the production of the song itself is so beautifully suited to the lyrics at their core. The entire song is a cohesive and introspective look at the breakdown of her relationship and the guilt she holds over ending it, which consequently impacts how she has been able to process her own emotions. Banks’ lyricism is, in my humble (and slightly biased) opinion, one of her biggest strengths. She is a storyteller at her core, as evidenced by her debut EP ‘Untie My Tongue’. In ‘Mascara Tears’, she tells the story of her break up and lets us into every single one of her thoughts. We as listeners know that she is struggling with the decision to end this relationship as her conflicting feelings are showcased through her choice of lyrics. Even her choice of the smallest words shows the listeners how conflicted she is – she’s hurting so badly, but feels as though she isn’t allowed to because she’s the one ending things. As an English Literature student, I have a tendency to read deep into lyrics; analysis is in my blood, and I just can’t help it. The lines that particularly struck me when thinking about how brilliant Banks’ writing is has to be the lines, “On my face there's just mascara tears, and my stomach feels quite sick / It's eating me up a bit.” Banks artfully uses words like “quite” and “a bit” in the beginning of the song to almost diminish her own hurt over this situation. She only feels “quite sick” because she is unsure as to whether she is allowed to be sick to her stomach when she is the one ending the relationship, and this entire thing is eating her up only “a bit” because, again, she doesn’t know if she is allowed to “hurt too”. This is something she revisits throughout the entire song, asking “Can I hurt too?” even though she knows that she hurt the other person in the relationship by ending things. A lyric that perhaps captures this feeling entirely, and has resonated with fans since they first heard it many months ago, is ‘“I know I’m not a villain, but I’m not the hero.” Banks accepts that she isn’t the hero – she has hurt her partner in ignoring this relationship and ultimately ending it. But she isn't a villain for ending a relationship that isn’t working for her any more, even if she knows that her partner still cares. Banks places herself in a grey area between the two, hence why she is struggling to understand if it’s okay for her to grieve this relationship in the way that she so clearly wants – and needs – to. Making this entire situation all that more heartbreaking, Banks sings that “... my face is still mascara tears, but you wipe them all away.” Despite the fact she is hurting her partner, they still comfort her and it just shows us how they still care for Banks. There’s a visceral evocation of pure heartbreak here – Banks is telling us that this partner is a good person that still cares about her, yet she still wants to leave them. It highlights just how difficult this entire situation is for Banks and the guilt and pain that she is thus carrying as a result of it. She repeats how she is “feeling helpless, but [she] can’t let it show / ‘Cause this bit is about you / I get I’m the bad guy to just let you go.” in the pre-chorus. Once again, her lyrics are so artful and apt when it comes to expressing every single complicated facet of her thoughts and feelings regarding this break up. She can’t let her hurt show because she knows she is the one doing the hurting. Banks focuses on her partner, reiterating that “this bit is about [them]” and that is why she can’t let her helplessness and her hurt show. Not only is she hurting them, but she is hurting herself too, and yet she feels like she isn’t allowed to feel that way. The music quietens down entirely when we reach the bridge, giving Banks’ incredible voice time to shine. Banks almost sounds like she's whispering while singing, her voice pure rawness and vulnerability. The climax of the song is found here, albeit quietly and softly like a realisation, as she asks “How am I supposed to feel as though I’m winning / When losing you is hurting me.” Banks accepts losing her partner hurts her, and she can’t win if it hurts her so badly. There is no winning when it comes to the breakdown of this relationship, both she and her partner are hurt and there isn’t anything that can be done to make it any better. After the bridge, Banks repeats the chorus once, singing it softly and introspectively but it builds towards the end of it. Her voice grows stronger as she sings “Can I hurt too?” because she is coming to terms with the fact that she is hurting, and the fact that she so desperately wants to allow herself to grieve this relationship despite being the person who put it to bed. Once again, she repeats the chorus stronger this time, reiterating each and every single word. Her voice is full of desperation, almost as if she needs both listener and partner to understand that this is not a decision she made lightly, and that it has been incredibly difficult to live with since doing so. Her final words in the song are her asking once again, “Can I hurt too?”, as if asking for permission. Banks leans into this repetition and uses it artistically to highlight her desperation to grieve and hurt despite feeling as though she doesn’t deserve to. She sounds slightly more resigned than just moments ago, as if she has accepted that she is going to feel conflicted for a long time coming over the choices she made and the feelings that have clearly taken over her as a result of them. The song comes to an end with the instrumentation reduced to simply the piano playing softly and quietly, and then a moment of silence at the end. Even this is complete genius, leaving us as listeners to sit with Banks’ confessional words throughout the song, the same way that she has been left to sit with her emotions and her hurt after the breakdown of her relationship. Ultimately. ‘Mascara Tears’ is the kind of song you listen to so you don’t feel so alone navigating the maze of conflicting emotions. Banks explores the guilt she feels and puts it out there for listeners to hear and relate to. I’m sure everybody is familiar with the feeling of not being a villain, but not quite being the hero either – knowing that you’re a good person, but sometimes you do things that hurt others, but also yourself. Banks give us space to deliberate and wonder if we’re giving ourselves enough grace, or if we’re far too harsh on ourselves and truly give us time to heal our own wounds rather than only worrying about the ones we inflict on others. Banks recently announced a North America and UK/Europe tour titled the ‘how real was it?’, after the title of her upcoming sophomore EP titled ‘how real was it?’ due for release on the 14th of November. Tickets have gone on sale already but it’s not too late! ‘Mascara Tears’ is available on all streaming platforms and I absolutely recommend having a listen to Banks’ discography – you will not be disappointed!   Taken by: Louis Browne Asha Banks is an English actress and singer whose career spans stage, screen and music. She made her West End debut as young Éponine in Les Misérables and went on to perform in Annie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Spring Awakening, and more. She self-released her first single “So Green” and dropped her debut EP Untie My Tongue, which led to her signing with Island/Polydor Records. Banks draws from her deep theatrical roots to bring emotional clarity to her songwriting—she straddles acting and music with conviction rather than choosing one path.
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